Consent is vital when it comes to sex. It means you and who you’re having sex with agree to, and are happy with, what you’re doing.

Giving consent means that you agree to something. What it means in terms of sex is more complex. 

The law says you consent to sex if you “agree by choice, and have the freedom and capacity to make that choice”.

What this means is that you have complete freedom to decide what you do and do not want when it comes to sex. Having the capacity to make that choice means that you are able to make that choice, because you understand what’s going on and can decide if you want to do it or not.

You cannot agree by choice and cannot consent if:

  • You’re being physically forced or threatened.
  • You’re being emotionally manipulated or put under pressure (coerced).
  • You’re scared of what might happen if you don’t.

You do not have the capacity to make that choice, or to consent, if:

  • You’re asleep or you’re not conscious.
  • You’re drunk or high.
  • You’re under 16 (the legal age of consent).
  • You have a mental health issue or disability that means you cannot fully understand what you’re agreeing to.

There’s a model of consent called ‘enthusiastic consent’. Thinking about it can help explain how consent works in practice. 

Making sure consent is enthusiastic, means always communicating that you’re happy and comfortable during sex. This way you can show that you clearly agree with what’s going on and that you’re having a good time.

That might sound awkward, but it does not need to be. Giving and getting enthusiastic consent can enhance the mood.

You could ask, “Does that feel good?” or “Do you like that?” when you start doing something with your partner. To show consent you could say, “I really want you!”.

You give or ask for consent for any kind of sexual contact, no matter your relationship with your partner. That can mean anything from kissing and cuddling to oral sex and penetrative sex. It applies whether you’re having a one-night stand, or you’re married. Without the consent of those involved, sexual activity is illegal and is sexual assault.

Keep in mind that: 

  • Just because you consent to one type of sexual activity, that does not mean you’re agreeing to another type.
  • If you consent to something one time it does not mean you’re giving your consent to do it again.
  • You can change your mind and withdraw your consent at any point.

If you’re worried you’ve been a victim of sex without consent you can read more and get help by reading our page on sexual assault.